1) Emile is sh**t for pace. A tortoise beat him in a race. And a bird shat on his face. What a s**t race.
Aston Villa fans sang about underperformer Emile Heskey. His presence extended outward in waves everywhere he went, for the wrong reasons. The striker had a knack for making shocking misses.
2) He’s bald, he’s red, he sleeps in Fergie’s bed: It’s Howard Webb. It’s Howard Webbbb.
Webb was a popular figure of contempt from fans of almost every other club in England than Manchester United due to his often favourable to the Red Devils decisions. Webb is currently the boss of Premier League referees.
3) Cazorla to the left of me, Ozil to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle Giroud.
Olivier Giroud has more than one reason to be happy with the world class talent working for him. Arsenal supporters chant this to the tune of Stealers Wheel “Stuck in the middle”.
4) Let’s pretend we scored a goal.
This one is a straight forward one but effective depreciative humour by Aston Villa fans when ‘celebrating’ the 3-0 defeat to Liverpool.
5) Your teeth are offside, your teeth are offside, Luis Suarez, your teeth are offside.
6) Leighton Baines, I bet you think this song is about you, Leighton Baines.
Witty Everton fans sing to the tune of Carly Simon’s “You are so vain”.
7) Newcastle fans taunt:
Going down, going down, going down
Sunderland fans reply:
So are we, so are we, so are we
8)There’s only two Andy Gorams, two Andy Gorams. There’s only two Andy Gorams
Rangers supporters’ chant about their goalkeeper Andy Goram who was diagnosed with mild schizophrenia. Goram’s mental disorder didn’t spread to his balls though as he was one few who later stood up to Roy Keane’s mistreatment of people when he moved to United on loan.
9) Let’s all go to Nandos
Old Trafford takes a poke at youngster Adnan Janusaj upon learning he went on a first date with a girl. Bless him.
Arsenal fans greet their Columbian goalkeeper David Osipina when he takes a goal-kick.
11) He’s blond, he’s quick, his name is a porno flick, Emannuel, Emannuel…
A bit of Lo-li-ta moment here. Vladimir Nabokov would have been proud with the Arsenal supporters who came up this observation about Emannuel Petit’s name. He certainly wasn’t quick but he could have starred in a flick easily.
12) Chelsea, wherever you may be, keep your wife from John Terry.
Chelsea fans mock John Terry who exercised his captain rights with teammate Wayne Bridge’s wife, on more than occasion.
13) He eats when he wants, he eats when he wants. Oh Frank Lampard, he eats when he wants.
Tottenham Hotspur fans take a poke at Frank Lampard. Many disagree about the origins of his nickname ‘Fat Frank’. Some say it came from being fat as a child, others – from looking fat when he runs.
14) Ten men couldn’t carry, couldn’t carry Lampard. Ten men and a forklift truck couldn’t carry Lampard.
Not very original but even his own Chelsea fans picked up on it.
15) He’s fat, he’s round, his son is in the ground: Al Fayed, Al Fayed.
Ouch. Luton fans crossed a line when they produced this chant aimed at their owner Mohammed Al Fayed. His son Dodi was in romantic relationship with Princess Diana when they died in a car crash in 1997.
16) There’s only one Alan Rickman; there’s only one Alan Rickman; there’s only one Alan Rickman.
Someone from the visiting Wigan fans at Old Trafford noticed a resemblance between actor Alan Rickman and striker Dimitar Berbatov. The Bulgarian had no idea what was going on…at Manchester Untied.
17) Stand up if you pay your tax, stand up if you play your tax.
Some happy camper at Watford took a swing at Harry Redknapp who had been sent to court for tax evasion in 2012. The chant spread throughout England and stuck to Redknapp like a wart on the nose.
18) Nani, Are you OK? Are you OK? Are you OK, Nani?
United fans have a belly laugh to the tune of Michael Jackson’s “Annie are you OK?” Nani used to draw criticism for his poor form at Old Trafford.
19) Hey, the referee, did your wife have an affair with your hairdresser?
Not a chant but worth a mention. A comedian on the stands took the long way around after noticing the referee’s weird hairstyle in a match.
20) Fat Eddie Murphy, you’re just a fat Eddie Murphy.
Chelsea saluted Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink. He even laughed upon hearing it. Original.
21) Who needs Mourinho, we’ve got a physio.
Grimsby Town supporters joked at the appointment of physio David Moore as caretaker manager in 2011. He came back for another stint in 2016. Manager like Mourinho are expensive, but the value of a laugh – you can’t put a price on that.
22) His eyes are offside, his eyes are offside. Oh, Mesut Ozil, his eyes are offside.
In Ozil’s defence, his vision relies on them. The chant got nicked from the Luis Suarez one. Same can be applied to Gareth Bale’s ears or Zlatan Ibrahimovich’s nose.
23) F**k off, S**ty.
Political correctness goes down the drain with this one. Chinese Manchester Untied fans salute the Citizens.
24) He comes from the Ivory Coast Kalou , Kalou,
He don’t do coke like Adrian Mutu, Mutu,
He crossed the ball from the left,
It landed right on Riise’s head,
Salomon Kalou, Salomon Kalou.
Chant-ception (from Christopher Nolan’s Inception). This one’s got a story within a story. It heaps praise on Salomon Kalou but in actuality is a cheeky jab at Adrian Mutu.
25) He scores when he wants, he scores when he wants, Nicholas Bendtner, scores when he wants.
Lord Bendnter receives much-deserved recognition with this chant.
26) You don’t know what you are doing!
Leeds fans issued a last warning to a man proposing to a woman at Elland Road.
27) Give us a T. Give us an I. Give us a T. Give us an S. What do you do with ‘em? Old’em! Old’em!
This one is a charming shuffle of letters by the Oldham fans.
28) Jose, wherever you might be, Ji-Sung Park ate your dog for tea. Oh ‘Special One’ your dog is dead. Bet you wish you’d got a cat instead.
Manchester United joked with Mourinho after he went home to parry efforts of an Animal Welfare officer to take away his dog in 2007. He released it outside then argued with police until they arrested him.
29) Deep fry your pizzas, we’re gonna deep fry you pizzas!
This chant is a bone-chilling culinary threat to every self-respecting Italian. Scotland supporters taunted the visiting fans during a World Cup qualifier in 2007. It backfired. The Italians won 2-1.
30) He’ll shoot, he’ll score, he’ll eat your Labrador.
It rhymes. United supporters joke about ex-player Ji-Sung Park.